Mystery of the 'Missing' Wallet
by BellsOfInsanity
Summary: Naruto had a frog wallet, the key word here is had. It went missing, and now everyone is a suspect for the theft. The culprit turns out to be someone he never expected. Crackish. Mock mystery genre, I guess


**Now, I had a plot bunny, well, actually two, but, this one was shorter to write, so, I'm writing it because I'm extremely nagged by it and bored by the lack of action going on right now. So, yeah, if you don't like it, it makes almost zero difference, because I'm doing this for me (selfish, aren't I?), to get the plot bunny out of my head. It may be crackish, maybe not… it's my first fic, and, if you do like it, then, I guess I'll have an extra good feeling inside my stomach (which, I already have because I ate the most delicious cookies on earth), which I may mistake for indigestion or something else warm and full feeling. If you do like it, I guess I'll feel good that my annoying plot bunny wasn't so much of a burden as I thought it was. **

**Well, anyway, I DON'T OWN NARUTO! So, I'd soak in that bit of information, before anybody goes running to the police thinking that I'm trying to steal the show, reporting me, and getting me into some sort of court situation that I never want to be in again…I mean, a court situation that I never ever want to be in, I have a slippery tongue, don't I? Well, I have to remember that as I punish it for revealing such a secret, er, give it wonderful food, yes, that's it, I wasn't going to smash it with a hammer, you got it all wrong.**

**Well, anyway, just so you know, I STILL DON'T OWN NARUTO. I know it must seem impossible that I haven't raised billions of dollars in the time between this disclaimer and the first, haven't convinced Kishi to sell Naruto, then, purchased it, but, trust me, I haven't.**

**Now, it's time for the Insanity to continue… through this story.**

* * *

Naruto had a wallet, a wallet shaped like a frog, mind you, and he put his money in it, as most people who have wallets do.

Now, he really liked this wallet, took it with him everywhere, even to places where he would never need it.

But, this isn't the end of the story, because, if it was, people would be telling me to fuck the hell off, but, they aren't, also, this would be very pointless, and I wouldn't have written it. So, thus, it must continue.

See, if you read really carefully, you'd see that the word **_HAD_** was placed in 'Naruto HAD a wallet.'

--

Wednesday morning, Naruto woke up, a feeling of great hunger was possessing him.

Naruto got up, threw on his orange jacket and matching orange pants, slipping on his sandals.

Naruto reached up on the shelf to grab his wallet, but, the only thing that made any sort of contact with his hand was one of the weights Rock Lee had given him for Christmas.

"Ow." Naruto said dully, rubbing his hand.

This was new, he never missed grabbing his wallet, nor did he ever smack his hand into the weight. This had really thrown off his routine.

Naruto looked on the shelf for his wallet, it should have been easy to find, it was green and in the shape of a frog, nothing else in his room fit that description.

Naruto gasped. It wasn't on the shelf.

Naruto then proceeded to look for the wallet in places he would never put it, which was everywhere, excluding the shelf.

His room torn apart, Naruto ran out the door of his bedroom, and wrenched the door into the hall outside his modest apartment.

He knocked on the door of the apartment across from his, little did the little old lady housed in that apartment know that she would begin the interrogation of the rest of the building, all asked the same questions.

"H-hello?" The little old lady asked, shaking with age and the feeling of constant cold that you get when you're old.

"Hi, have you seen a green wallet, shaped like a frog?" Naruto questioned.

"I don't see much of anything, I'm afraid." The old lady answered.

"Did you feel a green, frog shaped wallet." Naruto asked, unable to stop himself from uttering 'green' in the sentence, though, fully aware that you can't feel the color green, or any other color, for that matter.

"I'm afraid not, I have a disease that m-makes me unable to feel anything with my hands, especially in my old age." The old lady responded.

"Uh… Fine, then did you steal a green, frog shaped wallet?" Naruto inquired, becoming impatient.

"N-no." The old lady said.

"That's what they all say." Naruto muttered.

"W-what was t-that?" The old lady asked.

"Nothing, just go back in your home and do old lady stuff." The old lady nodded.

"R-right you a-are, on that, l-little lady." The old lady declared, and hobbled back to the inside of her over heated apartment.

--

"Hey! Old man! Ayame-chan! Have you seen my wallet?" Naruto panted, having just sprinted all the way from his apartment building to Ichiraku Ramen Stand.

"Last night, with you." Ayame replied.

"Did you feel it?" Naruto asked.

"No, do I ever feel it?" Ayame asked.

"I'm asking the questions, Ayame-chan. Did you steal it?" Naruto questioned.

"No, but, if you don't stop accusing me or my father of theft-"

"Alright, fine, now I have to ask everybody else." Naruto groaned.

--

"Ohayo, Sakura-chan!" Naruto greeted.

"Ohayo, Naruto." Sakura smiles.

"Hey, okay, so, have you seen my green frog wallet?" Naruto asked.

"Not since last night, at the ramen stands." Sakura commented.

"Have you felt it?" Naruto interrogated.

"Yeah, remember, you told me that it was scaly, I didn't believe you, I felt it, it turned out to be soft, I was right and saw right through your lie." Sakura stated.

"That's not what I mean, Sakura-chan…Next question: Did you steal the frog wa-" Naruto never finished the sentence, for, Sakura had launched him into the air.

"What does that mean?" Naruto whined after hitting the ground.

"It means that I didn't steal your stupid wallet!" Sakura bit out.

"It felt like a 'I did steal your wallet.'" Naruto mumbled.

"What?!" Sakura said, threateningly, but, by the time she finished her sentence, she had no one to threaten, Naruto had high tailed it out of there.

--

"Kaka-sensei…"Naruto whispered.

"What is it, Naruto?" Kakashi asked warmly, sitting next to Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai.

"Did any of you see my wallet?" Naruto asked.

"The green frog thing? Yesterday, though, it was with you." Kakashi answered, Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai nodded.

"Did any of you feel it?"

A collective no came from the group.

"Did any of you steal it?" The Jounin all shake their heads.

"Damn, now I need to ask Jiraiya and Tsunade-baa-chan." Naruto curses.

"If it just went missing, then , they probably won't know anything about it, neither of them have seen you for at least two days." Kurenai offers.

"That's right! Thanks Kurenai-sensei!" With that said, Naruto took off in search of Team 10.

--

"Hey, Shika!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Don't call me that." Shikamaru said.

"Fine. Did you-"

"Get to the point, Naruto, you can't trick me into anything." Shikamaru pointed out.

"Fine then… Did you steal my frog wallet?" Naruto asked.

"No, try Chouji or Ino."

"Hey, Chouji, have you seen my wallet?"

"Not since last night, but, you had it." Chouji said, munching his bag of chips.

"Did you feel it?"

"No…Why would I do that?"

"No, I'm the one who is questioning people, Chouji. Did you steal it?" Naruto said, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"No, try Ino."

"Hey! Ino-chan! Did you see my wallet last night?"

"You had it, but, yeah, last night." Ino said.

"Did you feel it?"

"No."

"Did you steal it?"

"What?!" Naruto was, yet again, launched into the air.

"No, you baka! I don't steal things! Try Team 8, duh."

"Uh, are you suggesting that they steal things?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah, Naruto." Ino retorted sarcastically.

"Okay…" Naruto answered awkwardly, with the notion that she did think Team 8 stole things.

--

"Shino!" Naruto yelled, and ran up to the bug collector.

"…"

"Did you see my frog wallet last night?"

"…"

"Okay then… Did you feel it last night?" Naruto asked.

"…"

"Did you steal my frog wallet?"

"…" Shino shook his head.

"Hinata-chan!" Naruto yelled at Hinata, who didn't notice Naruto's presence, until that yell.

"Na-Naruto-kun? What?" Hinata said softly.

"Er… Did you see my frog wallet last night?"

"Yes, but, I think you had it." Hinata replied quietly.

"Did you steal my frog wallet?" Naruto asked.

"What?" Hinata asked, her soft features filled with confusion.

"Did.You.Steal.My.Frog.Wallet?" Naruto repeated, very slowly.

"N-" Hinata's eyes widened, but, before she could get the word fully out of her mouth, she fainted.

"Hinata-chan?" Naruto shrugged.

"Kiba!" Naruto shouted, seeing no sign of Kiba what so ever.

"What?" Kiba asked, and leaped from the bushes.

Naruto jumped.

"Have you seen-"

"What the fuck, Naruto? What happened to Hinata-chan?" Kiba asked.

Naruto shrugged again. "She just kinda fainted."

"Uh, great… Hinata's fainting again, thanks a lot Naruto." Kiba rolled his eyes.

"Hinata. Hinata-chan" Kiba said, shaking Hinata.

"Er… okay, Kiba, have you seen my wallet?"

"Dunno, have you seen my forehead protector?" Kiba says sarcastically.

"It's on your head Kiba." Naruto sniggered.

"Last night, idiot. But, you had it with you." Kiba replied to the previous question.

"Did you feel it?"

Kiba scoffed. "What kind of question is that? 'Did you feel it?' Uh, that's stupid Naruto. Why would you even ask that?"

"Hey! I'm asking the questions!"

"No, I am. I'm asking the questions." Kiba mimicks.

"Seriously, Kiba, tell me."

"I'm serious Naruto, you tell me. Where is your wallet?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you!"

"So, you think I have it? Try somebody else, baka." Kiba countered.

"Yeah! Cause Ino said you take things!"

"Me, specifically? What a bit-"

"No, Team 8. And you're the only one left, so, you have to have taken it!" Naruto reasoned.

Kiba gave Naruto an incredulous look. "So, I have to have taken it, since I'm the last one to be questioned in this twisted mystery?"

"Yeah, that fits."

"Uh, hate to break it to you, but, anybody could've done it, and lied about doing it, you know."

"Ohhh… So, did you steal it?"

"Did you knock Hinata unconscious? No I didn't steal your stupid wallet." Kiba growls.

"No, I would never knock Hinata-chan out, how could you think that?" Naruto asked, horrified.

"Because it fits, what do you think? I'm asking the questions!" Kiba snorts.

"But, that's the thing Kiba! It doesn't fit! I didn't do it! I'm innocent!" Naruto yelled.

"I was kidding, Naruto." Kiba said, slightly deadpanned by Naruto's stupidity.

"Yeah, great, now, everyone's a suspect again. Even you, Kiba." Naruto sighed, and pointed at Kiba.

"Why me? I just told you that anybody could've lied."

"That's it Kiba, anybody, even you. Even… Hinata-chan! Though, if she's had unconscious spells like that all day, she couldn't have done it-"

"She's been like this all day." Kiba lied quickly, saving Hinata from the suspect list.

"Great, now I need to get everyone together for questioning, Hinata doesn't have to come, she's off the list now."

"Hopefully you won't be using such stupid questions." Kiba muttered.

--

"I got you all together here, today, because my wallet is missing." Naruto stated.

"We're here for THAT?" Sakura snarled.

"Okay, Sakura-chan… So, who did it, who took my green frog wallet. It had to be one of you, because it only went missing last night or this morning, and , we were at Ichiraku last night. So, who did it? Go on, admit it, Shino! You did it!"

"…" Shino said nothing.

"This is troublesome." Shikamaru decided.

"Aha! So you did it, eh, Shika?" Naruto said, paranoid.

"I told you not to call me that, Naruto, and, no, I didn't steal your wallet."

"Face it Naruto, nobody'd want your wallet." Kiba commented.

"Enough, who did it?" Naruto glared at Kiba for saying such an untrue thing; Everyone wanted his wallet, that's why it was missing.

"Not me." Ino said.

"Wasn't me." Kiba announced.

Shino shook his head

"I didn't do it." Chouji said.

Shikamaru crossed his arms and shook his head along with Shino.

Sakura growled.

"So, nobody took it?" Naruto said in despair, defeated.

"No."

"Hey, genius, think about where you put it last. In your pocket, maybe?" Kiba suggested.

"It won't be there." Naruto waved the idea away.

"None of us have it, then… So, I guess it just disappeared." Shikamaru said.

"Fine." Naruto shoved his hand into his pocket. His hand grazed something soft, and he pulled it out.

It was green, soft and in the shape of a frog-

It was Naruto's wallet.

**

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**

**End**

**I'm done, well, that was long… sorry about it being so long… Anyway, it was a little crackish, I guess.**

The insanity of this story ends… Read and Review 

**Cheers.**


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